I did a meditation and it sort of changed my personality?

In March 2025, Ben Kuhn attended a weeklong Jhourney retreat, skeptical that meditation could offer more than his earlier practice had. Jhourney teaches meditation toward jhanas, blissful states reached by relaxing mental and bodily tension and focusing on enjoyable feelings. Kuhn found the program’s software-engineer-style handbook unusually clear and careful, but struggled to progress: attempts to reach a jhana made him anxious, and self-compassion exercises seemed emotionally inaccessible. During a difficult stretch, he reframed his mind as an “elephant” that produces feelings and a “rider” who can only gently guide it. He stopped rigidly following the curriculum and imagined directing compassion toward the elephant. This unexpectedly brought an intense experience of warmth and emotional release, followed by less bodily tension, heightened sensory pleasure, joy, and closeness with friends.

The experience did not leave him permanently blissful. His emotions initially became two to three times more intense, making his return to a stressful job difficult, and many immediate changes faded over the following weeks. Some persisted: shame over small mistakes more often gave way to self-compassion; music and poetry moved him more readily; he became more attentive to subtle feelings, less drawn to constant stimulation, and more appreciative of simple food. Friends also noticed more open, fluid body language and greater presence in conversation. His central claim is that the pursuit of meditative bliss can uncover and loosen emotional defenses, making it easier to feel and act like oneself - not merely producing an artificial state of euphoria.