My parents chose to die together and I was left to grieve alone

Bas recounts driving his parents, Jan and Els, to a Dutch hospice in June 2024, where doctors ended their lives together through duo-euthanasia. Jan, in his 70s, had endured chronic pain from years working on the waterways; Els had Alzheimer’s disease and feared losing the capacity to make her own decision. Their only child supported their choice but tried to persuade them to wait. During the final drive, Jan asked whether they were doing the right thing, while Els remained certain. At the hospice, Bas considered stopping the process but chose not to unsettle his parents. He saw them die holding hands, a rare display of affection that brought him comfort amid the shock.

The account focuses on the cost of a shared death for those left behind. Bas felt physically ill and profoundly alone: unlike a bereaved spouse, he had no surviving parent with whom to share memories, and no siblings to grieve alongside. He believes euthanasia may have been best for his parents, but says losing both at once was devastating. Their experience also illustrates the dilemma faced by people with dementia: waiting may mean losing the legal capacity to consent, while acting can feel premature. In the Netherlands in 2024, 9,958 people died by euthanasia; 427 had dementia, and 108 people - 54 couples - chose duo-euthanasia. Bas had attended his parents’ medical meetings and read them an eight-page letter of gratitude shortly before their deaths, ensuring they had expressed their love and thanks.