Ask HN: How did you convince family and friends to join your XMPP/Matrix server?

A technically minded open-source enthusiast wants to move family and friends from SMS or WhatsApp to a self-hosted XMPP or Matrix setup, but has not found a convincing practical reason for them to switch. Their relatives and friends are more comfortable with technology than average, yet prioritize straightforward use, reliability, and enjoyable features over privacy, decentralization, or customization. The writer has spent a week trying out servers and clients and is surprised by how difficult the experience feels, even as a software developer who uses computers all day.

The central question is how others persuaded non-specialist friends and family to adopt these messaging systems, and what makes them appealing in everyday use. The writer finds that many clients resemble workplace tools such as Slack or Discord, or otherwise feel poorly designed, rather than offering a familiar, approachable substitute for texting. Cross-platform consistency between iOS and Android might be a selling point, but the writer sees a major obstacle in mixed-platform SMS conversations: Android and iOS users can lose features and information, particularly in group chats. They seek practical advice on both the pitch and the user experience needed to make XMPP or Matrix a viable choice for ordinary people.